Why Should I READ my Nikahnama?

Shaadi is a joyous occasion in one’s life for it entwines two souls together for the rest of their lives. This phenomenon, that we have come to call as ‘shadi’, is celebrated worldwide in various different forms. Men and women belonging to different countries, religions, ethnicity, social class etc. celebrate this event as per their respective culture. But even within a respective religion, the events of the shaadi ceremony have been altered as per the cultural upbringing.

For example Islamic marriage in itself is celebrated in various different forms all over the world. As per Sunnah (the way of the Prophet (SAW)), the event is mere hour long. It starts with the Nikah Ceremony, where the Imam asks for the bride’s consent whether she wishes to marry into the said family or not. The question is repeated thrice in the company of family members who act as witnesses for the event. After verbally declaring her approval, she signs the ‘Nikah Nama’, a legally binding document containing her signature, the witnesses’ and of the Imam’s.

And here is where the flaw lies, in our Pakistani society at least. The girl never gets to read what has been written in the Nikah Nama, and blindly stamps onto a life-long legally (and religiously) binding contract. Most young Muslim women in Pakistan care not to read through the contract, well because it’s shadi right? What could be more to it than what they have learnt about it while growing up? What’s funny is even the most literate of us have never bothered to give it a read and we stamp onto a contract that will eventually define our future.

Where does the fault lie? With the parents? Surely not, they didn’t hide all the Nikah Nama or forbade their children to give it a read. With the Imam? Well to an extent, yes. He never reads out the entire form out to the bride or to the groom, but conveys a short sermon (Khutba-e-Nikah) instead which is recited in Arabic that neither the bride nor the groom can comprehend, followed by a prayer for the future well-being of the wedded couple. And here is where another fault lies in the said culture: bride and groom are not aware of what they are promising each other as husband and wife. Each of us knows what marriage means: a union of two families, however there is a meager percentage that can actually enlist down all the rights and obligations the husband and wife have on each other.

As children, we often heard this statement from the elders “Shaadi gurrhya gudday ka khail nahi” translation: ‘marriage is not a game’. But looking back at how the culture has transformed this serious notion into a mere activity, it has indeed become a ‘game’. And we come back to the root of the issue: you shouldn’t just read your Nikah Nama, you should understand and engrave the rights and obligations that are promised to you and that you promise to your better-half for the rest of your lives together.

by Maria Zubair