Shake Hands With The Unemployed Meaning

(idiomatic, euphemistic, slang) To masturbate.

Example: 1975, E. E. LeMasters, Blue-collar Aristocrats: Life-styles at a Working-class Tavern, University of Wisconsin Press, pages 103–104
  An older man made this remark when he left the bar to urinate: "Well, I'll go back and shake hands with the unemployed." Since he was heading for the men's room I didn't get the significance of this statement for a minute or so; it was, of course, a reference to sexual inactivity.
1993, Seattle Sal: Grunge Jokes, S.P. Books, page 43:
  Why did the preppie boy make a great social worker? He had a lot of practice shaking hands with the unemployed.