The Art Of Dealing With People

(Mahwish Fatima, Karachi)

What is the quality that all successful people have in common? They have mastered the art of dealing with people! A human relation is the science of dealing with people in such a way that our egos and their egos remain intact. The reason 90 per cent of the people fail in life is failure to deal successfully with people. The doctors, the lawyers, the salesperson who enjoy the most success are not necessarily the ones who are the most skilled in their job. The husband and wife who are the happiest are not the ones who are the most attractive.

Understanding the human ego

The first law of human relations is “people act or fail to act, largely to enhance their own egos.” Because the human ego is such a precious thing to its possessor, and because a person will go to all extremes to defend against what he perceives as threats to his ego, the word egotism has a negative connotation. Every human being is a special, individual personality, always ready to defend his ego against all enemies. That is why you cannot treat people as machines. If you are on good terms with yourself, you are on good terms with others. Ego-hunger is as universal and natural as the hunger for food. Ego of each person needs respect approval and a sense of accomplishment. A starved ego is a mean ego.

When self-esteem is at a high level, people are easy to get along with. When self-esteem is at a low ebb, trouble comes easily. And when self-esteem gets low enough, almost anything can become a threat. To that person a critical look or a harsh word can seem like a calamity.

Develop the habit of paying at least five sincere compliments each day and watch how much smoother your relations with others become. Help others to like themselves better and satisfy their hunger for self-esteem.

Making people feel important

Never make the mistake of assuming that just because someone is successful or famous, they have no need or feeling of importance.
Courtesy and politeness are merely ways in which we acknowledge the importance of the other person. Little things that are apparently unimportant actions can have such tremendous consequences in the field of human relations. Remember that it takes only a small spark to start a fire. And little things you do and say can set off a chain reaction.

If you want to make a good impression on others, the best way is to let them know that they impress you. You should know when to correct others. Ask yourself: does it make any real difference that they are right or wrong? Don’t try to win all the little battles! If nothing else is involved except the person’s ego, why bother?

Controlling the actions and attitudes of others

Dealing with others is as though we are standing before a mirror. When we smile, the person in the mirror smiles; when we frown, they frown; and when we shout, they shout back. Knowing this you can control others’ emotions to an amazing degree. When you find yourself in an explosive situation, lower the tone of your voice and keep it low. This will literally force others to keep their voices low, too.

It is a sad but a true fact that many of mediocre ability get further than those who have outstanding talents because they know how to control their actions. Watch your walk; your physical actions express your mental attitude. See someone walking with head and eyes down and you are looking at a pessimistic soul. Use the magic switch of a smile. Everyone is blessed with a cute smile. It’s just a matter of letting it out. If you are not using your smile, you’re like someone with a million in the bank and no chequebook.

Attracting people

Those who accept and like people just as they are, have the most influence in changing others’ behaviour for the better. Approval means something more positive as it goes beyond just tolerating faults and find something we can like.

You can always find something to approve of in others. It may be something small and insignificant. Seek things out, praise, and watch people glow! The word ‘appreciates’ means to raise in value. Stop and consider how others are valuable to you. We all want to be recognized for our own unique worth. Start using the triple ‘A’ formula for attracting people.

Learning to communicate effectively

One thing successful people have in common is the skill in using words. Earning power and word skill are so closely tied together that you can safely expect to increase your earnings simply by increasing your word power. Small talk is necessary to get the wheels of conversation turning. Realizing this will enable you to start a conversation even with a perfect stranger.

Get people to talk about themselves. Try warming up the other person with words like “Where are you from? What do you think of our weather? What business are you in? These questions get the others talking about themselves. They break the ice as they see that you are interested in them. You don’t have to search for a topic of mutual interest. You start them off on the one topic they are expert in…themselves.

You are a human, too, and it is natural to be tempted to talk about yourself. You want to shine; you want to impress others. But you will rate much higher in others’ estimation if you turn the conversation to them rather than to yourself. Others will have a much higher opinion of you.

We make sarcastic remarks hoping that others will recognize our cleverness. Teasing and sarcastic remarks are both aimed at the self-esteem of others, and anything that threatens the self-esteem is a dangerous business, even when done in fun.

Listening

Oliver Wendell Holmes wrote, “To be able to listen to others in a sympathetic and understanding manner is perhaps the most effective mechanism in the world for getting along with the people and tying up their friendship for good.” Successful people encourage others to talk, and to keep on talking, while keeping their own mouths shut. You increase their self-esteem by this; for everyone likes to think that they have something to say that is worth saying.

Convincing others

When someone opposes our ideas, we take it as a threat to our ego. We become hostile and try to ram our ideas down our opponent’s throat. This is not the way to win. The only way to win an argument is to get others to change their minds in a friendly way. Tell someone their ideas are stupid and they will defend them forever. Use threats and they simply close their minds against your ideas, regardless of how good they may be. There is only one-way to get an idea accepted — by suggestion. Try to slip an idea into someone’s subconscious, more or less unnoticed.

Giving praise

Praise gives us new energy and new life. All you have to do is to give sincere praise to someone each day, and notice how it helps them to do better. If someone does you a small favour, show your appreciation and give them credit by saying ‘thank you.’ If there is someone who irritates you, begin looking for something for which you can compliment them. If they bite your head off, maybe they have nice teeth. So, compliment them on their teeth.

Criticizing without offending

The word ‘criticism’ leaves a bad taste in our mouths. The real art of criticism is not to beat others down, but to build them up. It is not to hurt feelings, but to help people do a better job. Criticism must be done in absolute privacy. The mildest form of criticism in the presence of others is likely to be resented. Preface criticism with a kind word or compliment. Make criticism impersonal; criticize the act, not the person.

By pinpointing your criticism to their actions, you can pay them a compliment and build up their ego at the same time: “I know from past experience that this error is not typical of your usual performance.” Remember, to call attention to an error once is justified, twice is unnecessary, three times is nagging. Your goal in criticizing is to get a job done, not to win an ego fight.

Skill in human relations is similar to skill in any other field, in that success depends on understanding and mastering certain basic general principles. The one successful way to get the things you want from life is to acquire skill in dealing with people.
 

Posted By: Syeda Mahwish Fatima Naqvi

Comments Print Article Print
NEXT 
About the Author: Mahwish Fatima

Read More Articles by Mahwish Fatima: 13 Articles with 125700 views »
Currently, no details found about the author. If you are the author of this Article, Please update or create your Profile here >>
22 May, 2008 Views: 6168

Comments

آپ کی رائے
can u tell me plzz what is U ATTITUDE ?
By: kiran, lahore on Jul, 18 2013
Reply Reply
0 Like
Thanks For Sharing such Kind Of Information . We Need TO Read It Carefully Three ,Four Time . Read Again And Again Will Automatically Help us in our life .
By: Zain, Gujranwala on Jan, 24 2011
Reply Reply
0 Like
much informative
By: Ahmeduddin , karachi on Sep, 01 2010
Reply Reply
0 Like
salam mehwish...this is a good article indeed:)
i agree wth aqeela..wats the tripple A formula?
By: erum, karachi on Aug, 22 2010
Reply Reply
0 Like
i like such that topics. i am thankful for it is a wonderful article. it should be in urdu for get more benifits. thanks
By: syed furqan hussain, karachi on Jul, 06 2010
Reply Reply
0 Like
What a beautiful article. I must remember each of the points you made. I am a teacher and I work with many colorful personalities. I will try to be more diligent in applying your suggestions within the relationships with my colleagues.
By: Mary, Tampa on Jul, 15 2008
Reply Reply
0 Like
I just wanted to know what is the "tripple A formula" , to attract people?
By: aqeela, scarborough on May, 27 2008
Reply Reply
0 Like
Wonderful Mahwish..its appreciateable n helps me a lot in dealing with people
By: Farhana, Karachi on May, 27 2008
Reply Reply
0 Like