Sitting on the porch one day, the night sky illuminated with stars I reflected back onto all the travel adventures my father had done in his lifetime but then there was my mother who had never stepped a foot across the borders of Pakistan. She had a house to run, children to look after, a husband to support and in-laws to entertain. In that quiet moment of reminiscence, I questioned myself What if it was the women who had to travel beyond the borders? What judgments would be passed out about her character? Would whispers about her neglect of family be tossed around the neighborhood? As my mother always labelled my dream of living a life beyond confining myself to domestic chores as “unrealistic” I reached an epiphany the so called “naseeb” of a brown woman is a mere social construct.
In Pakistan most woman grow up hearing the same repeated script until she internalizes it enough to realize this is what her fate is and should be like. The cyclical nature of phrases like “log Kya khenge”, “Shaddi tou karni hai”, “Ghar ki izzat ka khayal karo” ends up crushing more dreams of women which alternatively reflects the participation of them in the labour force. At a national level, Pakistan's Female Labour Force Participation {FLFP} rate for women aged 15 to 64 stands at just 22.6 percent, far below the global average of 52.6 percent which is even moderately lower than the South Asian average of 25.2 percent according to a recent report by AP7AM.
The whole idea is further reinforced though our entertainment industry. From movies such as Jawani phir nahi ani (2015), which is centered around marriage to tv series such as Working Women (2023) that showcases lives of five working women navigating the patriarchal society. This reinforces the idea of them being a caretaker as inevitable. On the other hand, the portrayal of women in most cases goes two ways, firstly the women who is often shown as the educated one is often portrayed as spoiled or rather bold in a negative sense and secondly the women who might have not had a significantly good education yet tends to her family while performing her role as stereotypical women is the good or a “tameezdaar” women. Even the advertisements be it of a washing powder or a Ramadan ad the women are most of the times portrayed as the one doing the domestic labour.
A large part of our youth consumes these forms of media which psychologically affects them. The whole arc of being a caregiver is reinforced as a destiny which makes young girls think that even though a women may dream of an independent life but that too comes with limitations. This can reinforce the shame cycle making them doubt their choice of wanting to live a life according to their own autonomy. Alongside shame fear also co-exists. When frequent news’ of these so called “honor killings” make it up to the headlines every other day it silences more women long before any physical threat actually surfaces. One fairly recent example is that of Sana Yousaf, a 17-yr old Pakistani girl enjoying her life as a normal human being, who was shot by a man named Umar Hayat after she rejected his proposal for wanting to become friends. Even cases like that of Noor Mukadam who was murdered by Zahir Jaffer after she had refused his marriage proposal still exist to this day.
According to a report by Gallup Pakistan, “Analysis of Labour Force Participation in Pakistan 2024-25-Unpaid Domestic care and work”, Over 52 million Women Engaged in Unpaid Household Work — Women’s Participation in Domestic Activities Nearly Eight Times Higher Than Men’s. The key findings of this study conclude, 152.3 million women are engaged in cooking, cleaning, and general household chores, compared to 6.3 million men. 27.3 million women are engaged in caregiving for children, the elderly, or ill household members, compared to 3.5 million men. 21.7 million women participate in livestock-related unpaid activities, compared to 17.4 million men. Women’s participation in household chores is approximately eight times higher than men’s. Women spend significantly more time on domestic chores averaging 15.3 hours per week, compared to 6.8 hours for men.
The fact of the matter is that most women as to of 21st century tries to live her life reclaiming her autonomy is most of the times labelled as a “feminist”. The sheer need of our society to put labels on a woman is exhausting. The question I am trying to propose here is that why do we feel the need to call a woman a “feminist” if she is trying to live her life like any other normal human being with wises, dreams and ambitions. Why can’t a woman be seen as a human than a feminist? The double standard exists, when men focus on there goals and careers instead of family, they are often praised for it and labeled as someone “goal oriented” or “ambitious”, someone who will find a good wife. Then why can’t women be described the same way? Why can’t we tell her that if she does focus on her career that she too will find a good husband. Ultimately, the fate or naseeb of a Pakistani woman is more of a social construct rather than divine intervention. It is constructed brick by brick through our culture, traditions, media that obsess over silence as obedience and marriage as the focal point of life. Women are constantly held on radar and reminded that no matter what they are able to become in life that there worth will still be tied to her role of being a nurturer. The society essentially doesn’t fear feminism but rather treating women as humans with ambitions and dreams that don’t revolve around domesticity.
|