No matter how well-intentioned
the management and stringent the criteria are for employee selection and
retention, chances are that in one job or another you have worked with or will
have to work with difficult coworkers. Some are chronically difficult and others
are difficult as a result of a specific temporal problem they are encountering.
Either way, their attitude and behaviours affect you and you are left wondering
how to deal with and defuse the situation.
The following are some key tips on dealing with difficult employees.
Recognize that a problem exists
There are many types of difficult coworkers. Whether it is cold-shoulder
treatment you consistently get from a coworker or constant whining, gossiping,
arrogance, rudeness, hostility, shirking of responsibility, bullying,
misappropriation of credit and blame, or other aggressive behaviour, the first
step in dealing with the problem of a difficult coworker is to acknowledge that
it exists.
Analyze your reactions
Before allocating blame and pointing the accusatory finger at a seemingly
difficult coworker examine your own feelings, motivations and reactions and make
sure that the problem is not your own inflexibility, intolerance or overreaction
to the situation. Perhaps you experience similar problems with other coworkers;
perhaps your past experiences have obstructed your ability to deal fairly with a
certain character type. It may be that you need to brush up on your own
interpersonal skills and be less judgemental and prone to jump to conclusions or
misinterpret a situation.
Recognize that you have choices in dealing with the situation.
You can chose to either confront or ignore a negative coworker and if you do
chose to confront there are many ways to do so to effect a positive outcome. If
the problem coworker is not interfering with or affecting your well-being and
the outcome of your work and you sincerely believe you can live with the
situation, then you can chose to ignore the problem and see it as an opportunity
for self-development and growth. If on the other hand, your productivity or
ability to do your job are being affected and the negative atmosphere is
draining your energy, stressing and burning you out, you can take the bull by
the horns and confront the situation in a diplomatic, well-planned,
well-rehearsed and professional manner. Letting negativity simmer just below the
surface unaddressed indefinitely will eventually impact both your performance
and the perception of your work attitudes by others.
Celebrate the differences
A large part of the success of the modern corporation is derived from the
diversity of its workforce and the tremendous synergies that arise from working
functionally in teams composed of people with divergent skills, talents and
backgrounds. This however also means that you will be forced to work on many
occasions with people with very different agendas, styles and attitudes to
yours. Learn to accept and celebrate the differences. Remember that the good of
the organization is your ultimate goal and you need to work synergistically to
achieve that.
Try to understand a difficult coworker's perspective
Open-mindedness is key in conflict resolution. Try to understand what
perspective a difficult coworker is coming from and what objectives and
motivations are influencing their behaviors. Recognize that some employees may
have permanent schizoid tendencies towards all people while others may be
experiencing temporary character flaws due to a myriad of factors. The latter
may include job insecurity, an excessive workload, dissatisfaction with working
conditions or management, feelings of inferiority or inadequacy, lack of clarity
about their own role, general professional ineptitude or even personal or family
problems at home. Try to understand their view of the world as viewed from their
very own unique 'mountain top' in order to better anticipate and respond to
their difficult behaviours.
Adopt a positive mindframe
In order to defuse a conflict you must have a positive, optimistic attitude and
the confidence to accept that the situation can be resolved be it through
learning to accommodate the difficult coworker, negotiating with the coworker to
achieve a compromise for one or both parties, or collaborating with them to
effect a positive resolution where all parties win and are happy. Have faith
that the negativity need not drag on indefinitely and that both parties can
learn to work together peacefully, if not completely collaboratively.
Define the difficult behavior
Clarify the problem by defining precisely the behaviours that bother you from
the difficult coworker. Write them down and include specific examples. Then
determine which you can try to change and which you will chose to ignore.
Define the desired outcome
Once you have dissected the problem and analyzed precisely what the behaviours
of the difficult coworker are that you would like to change, you can decide what
positive outcomes you would like to effect and construct a specific gameplan for
achieving them. Make sure the goals you set are measurable, specific and
realistic.
Anticipate the obstacles
Beyond having a clear set of goals for a confrontation, you must be able to
anticipate and arm yourself against all the obstacles that may block your path.
Make sure you are well prepared for any response, objection or negative reaction
from the difficult coworker and that you have the stamina, tact and courage to
stay your course until your desired outcome is achieved.
Stay calm and collected
Distance yourself emotionally from the problem and stay calm, collected and in
control at all times. Don't get defensive or let negative feelings fester or
boil over the top. Maintain your peace and objectivity by asking yourself what
learning is to be had from the situation and latching on to the positive aspects
of the relationship versus the negative at all times. If there are no positive
aspects to the relationship concentrate on the positive outcome you wish to
achieve. Practice deep breathing and visualization techniques whenever you feel
the resentment growing and fear loss of control. The more calm and collected you
are the more rational will be your approach to tackling the issue and the more
likely you are to win the difficult coworker's trust, confidence and respect.
Be tactful but direct
Once you chose to confront a difficult coworker, make sure you give
well-rehearsed, constructive criticism and that you deliver it in a calm,
polite, tactful, diplomatic and non-threatening manner. Keep your voice low and
select your words carefully. State your points of contention clearly, directly
and unambiguously and give concrete examples to support them. Do not harshly
criticize or humiliate a coworker or make accusatory remarks. Remember, the goal
of the confrontation is to find solutions and alleviate the negative atmosphere
not feed them.
Have your discussion face-to-face
Make sure that when you do decide to confront a difficult coworker, you do so
face-to-face and not over the phone, by memo or by e-mail. You are much more
likely to understand each other and come to a healthy resolution if you can
watch and monitor each other's body language and communicate in a free,
spontaneous and unhampered fashion.
Listen actively
Many a volatile situation has been defused by the simple art of active
listening. Learn to ask questions, give and receive feedback a nd actively and
intently listen to the difficult coworker as they expound on their frustrations,
their view of the world and why they act the way they do. Allow them to vent
their feelings and frustrations before you explore means to clear the air and
improve the atmosphere between you. Oftentimes, just the feeling of being
listened to objectively and understood may win their confidence, alleviate any
harsh feelings they may harbour towards you and generally ease the situation.
Maintain a healthy perspective
In the heat of the moment, it is easy to lose sight of the fact that negative
actions or attitudes may have been wholly unintended. Coworkers cannot read your
mind and unless you make a conscious effort to let them know exactly what
behaviours or attitudes are bothering you, they may well not have any idea of
the trouble that is brewing just below the surface and the pain they are
causing. It is very helpful to bear in mind that inadvertently offensive
behaviours may not have been designed to be so and are in all likelihood not
targeted at you personally. Remind yourself at all times that the difficult
coworker's hostility, rudeness or other unacceptable character flaws are not
about you but about their own conditioning, experiences and view of the world.
Avoid guerrilla tactics
Don't engage in negative behaviours with the aim of exacting revenge or outdoing
the negative coworker at their own game. Such counterproductive negative
behaviours include verbally attacking the difficult coworker, shunning them in
both private and public, rallying the troops to alienate and gang up against
them or approaching the coworker's boss to complain about them before you have
raised the issue with them. Opt instead to engineer a win-win scenario for
conflict resolution that leaves both of you and the organization as a whole
happier, healthier and more enriched.
Dont burn bridges
Losing your temper, saying hurtful things, making accusatory remarks at
coworkers or management will not solve matters and may only come back to haunt
you. Avoid burning bridges. You never know who you will have to work with at a
later date on a different project or even in a different company. Keep your
relationships healthy and avoid saying or doing anything you may regret.
Be generous
Stroke the difficult coworker's ego where appropriate, point out their
strengths, give them recognition and credit for positive actions taken,
acknowledge their successes and be kind and gracious in your sincere attempts to
find common ground. Rather than dictating an outcome, allow them to have input
and give them options and choices. Treat them as you would like to be treated as
you address the issues of concern and your courtesy and professionalism may well
turn the office nightmare into a close and lasting friend.
Document
It is a good idea with chronically difficult coworkers to document their
negative words and actions. This will help you gain perspective and will give
you specific and concrete examples to refer to when you confront them or if
matters escalate and management gets involved.
Recognize when you need help
If despite all your good intentions, flexibility and tactful discussions with
the difficult coworkers about their troublesome behaviour, the negative
behaviour persists, it may be time to talk to you boss. This is especially
necessary if your own performance is being affected and there is no positive
outcome in sight. Again, the goal is to seek a resolution so be clear about the
problem and the desired solution as you approach your boss.
Recognize when you have to leave
It may be that management itself is inadvertently rewarding or positively
reinforcing negative behaviours. It may also be that they are unwilling or
incapable of stopping it or that the do not adequately comprehend or accept the
seriousness of the situation. In these cases you may be better off seeking
greener pastures elsewhere, whether it be in a different role or division within
the company where you do not have to deal with the difficult coworker, or in a
different company altogether. Make sure you leave on a positive and professional
note and give adequate notice.