When all imaginations, purposes, future goals destroyed, when get disabilities from everywhere, in every work, getting bad luck in every work even every thing
surroundings to you indicate you have shutdown your goals feels like nothing remained your
surroundings, being a failure you have got nothing, thought something vanishing you but yourself theft all purspectives, one thing you should get, time told no one is yours in your bad times, reasons for bad luck you will not catch what the hell is going with your time. Thinking to shutdown yourself so may be iam joking accordance your outlook, but reasoning these motives you consider responsible yourself. You think you wasn't like that failure, you never thought your mind would be thinking in future like these stupid ideas which are against humanism but this cruel world and failure life make you impotent to think about them. Your
frustration start when you were being start to mature, may be God wrote these lack of successes as a ladder for your success but you thought you didnt think so
because unsuccessful was being continuously in your neck. You never got some success at some points but was just unsuccess.
Being a failure nothing had found which made you felt good and much relaxable, that time pain was an important role part of your life that hurted you in routine, some quoations were enough to make you feel good but these were quoations only not a real being apart of real life at that time you only thought that "Pain is a gift instead of avoiding it, learn to embrace it, without pain there is no growth. Deep thoughts coming through deep pain they route to an deep world which makes person different from
surrounding people, try to be different."
But truly in pain you realy consider yourself a failure you never thought you are different one, offcourse you said pain makes person different but you never got lesson from your Pain instead of getting lesson you just going down and down and saw yourself at the bottom of world. You understood you would never be a Successful person you have lost your all imaginations.
These frustrations make you impotent and you being addicted to drugs. Being habitual of drugs you fall in love with drugs, you compare your life as before drugist and after drugist the conclusion after that is pretty good relaxable then before. Then you called your life as "you are the worst kind of drug and i want to you in every way possible, i want to get addicted." A drugist person was getting pretty good feelings and relaxation, that was good.