Assertiveness:
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines assertiveness as:
"Disposed to or characterized by bold or confident statements and behavior. According to Sharon Anthony Bower "The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well being of others."
Albert Ellis stated "Being assertive does not mean attacking or ignoring others feelings. It means that you are willing to hold up for yourself fairly-without attacking others."
Six Tips:
1. Being assertive can be tough at first, especially for people who are usually passive, or who always try to please other people and avoid expressing their opinions, but this is not a reason to give up.
You can change the way you behave and react. You can always act differently from how you usually behave and act. You are not limited in your thinking and actions. You can be more assertive if you try. It is a skill you can learn to develop if you practice it often, despite inconvenience, shyness and the fear of confronting other people.
2. Start with small matters that don't require much assertiveness, such as:
• Asking for a better seat in the theater.
• Asking for a better table at a restaurant.
• Requesting a warm cup of coffee when you get a lukewarm one.
• Asking someone to call you later, if you are busy with more important matters.
• Learn to say 'no' at stores, when a salesperson persuades you to buy something you don't want.
• Be more assertive if co-workers try to exploit you and delegate some of their work to you.
3. Express your opinions and thoughts. Nobody knows what you want, unless you say it. Express yourself calmly, with consideration and respectfulness.
4. Avoid the venting of all kinds of excuses and apologies when you ask for something. Just state what you want and why, without apologies. If you apologize too much, when it is not necessary, you weaken your assertiveness and display weakness.
5. Practice being assertive in front of the mirror, as if your image in the mirror is someone else, with whom you are talking.
Imagine a situation that requires assertiveness, and talk to your image in the mirror, as if it is another person.
Think and find out, where you need this skill, and act and talk assertively to your image in the mirror.
Rehearsing in front of the mirror, will make it easier to repeat this behavior and attitude in real situations.
6. Rehearse various situations in your mind, in following manner:
• Imagine yourself talking assertively to someone, who goes and stands before you when you are waiting in line at the store.
• Imagine talking assertively to a salesperson, if he or she tries to persuade you to buy something that you do not want or do not need.
• Imagine acting assertively at work, when speaking with colleagues or customers.