The pen trembles while mentioning un-islamic customs, traditions and trends
being followed in the Indo-Pak subcontinent, while living under the influence of
Hindus, where even Muslims have stopped following simplicity taught by the
Sunnah and have adopted superficial customs like dowry .Basically
"A dowry is either the money, goods, or estate that a woman brings to her
husband in marriage or a gift of money or property to man."
Dowry system is a curse on our society. This system was applicable in all
civilizations and religions that did not permit division of parental property
between the daughter and the son equally. Dowry system has become a greed for
many parents, despite the fact that governments have regulated equal rights for
girls in the parent’s property. The son has become a saleable property that
parents want to sell at the best. The dowry system was something originally
purposed for the independent wealth of the bride in a time when she was unlikely
to work outside her home or for any mishap. Like many customs and traditions,
time changed the original meaning and purpose.While the dowry system is still in
place, it has become more of a ‘bride-price’ system. The parents of a baby girl
must come up with a respectable dowry. If a good dowry is not made, the girl is
unlikely to have a ‘good’ match. A good match for a very poor family might be
marriage of their daughter into a slightly better financed family or a good
match for a middle- income family might be finding a husband who is a doctor or
engineer. As you might have probably guessed, there are very few brides who
actually retain their dowry after marriage.
In the most honorable of families, the bride is allowed to keep certain items
for her own use, such as the bed and cooking pots she is supposed to bring with
her, apart from the jewellery.
There are families who will use the bride’s dowry as their own. The bride’s
dowry will be recycled for the groom’s sisters’ dowry. Sometimes, the groom’s
family uses the bride’s dowry entirely for their own means. There have been
horrible, true stories of the groom’s family agreeing to a particular dowry, and
after the marriage, a new demand for more dowry from the bride’s parents
emerges.
Threats of divorce are often used to harass the bride’s parents to give more
dowry. In a country where shame is brought down on the divorcee, parents of the
bride do whatever they can to save their daughters from this shame.
Occasionally, the threat of physical violence is used.
Even if the bride’s parents are not able to continue doing so, the bride is
either sent home in shame, or sometimes killed in an ‘accident’.
I Interestingly, this is happening in Indo-Pak culture, which places high value
on females. The girl child is the lifeblood, pride and honor of the family, but
the abortion rates of female baby is also sky high.
Parents are advised to educate their daughters as times have changed. In the
present world, education has more value in the employment market and many fields
have been opened or women to become entrepreneurs. Amount of dowry may be
invested for her secured future.
Girl’s parents should help by reporting to government or concerned authorities
about the dowry demands. Marriage with such boys should be discouraged as demand
of excessive dowry means they do not want girl but money. This can result in
extortion after marriage by torture.
All dowry receipts and payments as dowry need to be recorded with marriage
registration authority to help in case unwanted incidents or separation occurs.
Only with the courage of parents we can remove this curse from our society.