Forgiveness is a core value within Islam and many other religions. Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, and overcomes negative emotions such as resentment and vengeance. Forgiveness is an effective factor in developing excellence in human beings, physical and mental health and improving in family relationships.
Family is a unique social system the membership of which is influenced by different biological, legal, emotional, geographical and historical factors. Unlike other social systems, becoming a member of the family system is by marriage, birth or adopting as one’s child and just by one’s death his or her temporal membership in the family system comes to an end. Islam has paid great attention to the family, as the most important social system. And it has emphasized on certain principles in relationships, especially that of the couple. The Holy Quran says:
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect. “(30:21)
Forgiveness is also proposed to be an important pathway through which the effects of religion on health are mediated. Healthy relationships in a family system lead to societal health. Scientifically validated, many benefits of forgiving include the reduction of chronic pain, cardiovascular problems, and violent behavior; increased hope; and decreased levels of depression and anxiety. People who don't forgive typically have higher heart rates and blood pressure and other physical problems. The unforgiving responses of blame, anger, and hostility have been linked with poor health, particularly coronary heart disease and even premature death. Most people who have forgiven others will testify of the joy experienced as the emotional burden they had been carrying was released.
In different circumstances of life, sincerity, trust, support and forgiveness play a critical role in a family. Anger and conflicts often run-in families. Anger may contribute to the development of a host of unhealthy patterns in relationships. If allowed to continue unchecked, angry outbursts and threatening behaviors tend to escalate sometimes. The varieties and types of family conflicts span a wide range of potential disputes we see in various settings of modern life.
Forgiveness is a powerful way to amend wounds of families when they have an uncomfortable and difficult situation. Forgiveness enables people to overcome anger and feelings of resentment or a desire to punish. Forgiving involves changing one`s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in relationship to the offender.
Islamic psychology considers forgiving people in three ways: people to themselves, people to others, God to people. Forgiveness of oneself is much harder than forgiveness of others. And it is quite complicated, he/she may not receive immediate practical returns, or feedbacks.
Forgiveness is a choice that a person makes to forgive another person for an offense or something that is illegal or immoral. Forgiveness is voluntary. When someone forgives someone else, they let go of negative emotions. it means he is offering some type of kindness towards the person who may have hurt him. This does not mean what he did was right or justified. It means we’re now choosing to move on with our lives. Forgiveness does not require punishment or restitution. It is given without any expectation of compensation. It may involve offering an apology. True forgiveness means that the slate is completely wiped clean and the relationship is fully restored to its previous sense. Basically, it means to “forgive and forget,”
There are numerous verses in the Qur’an and there are Hadiths that recommend forgiveness. We must turn to Allah to seek His forgiveness. Qur’an teaches that Allah is a Judge and He also punishes. He will not ignore the good of any person. But if He wishes to forgive any sinner, He has all the power to do that. His mercy is unlimited. God says, in the holy Quran:
“Do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? For Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful”. (24:22)
The Quran tells us that Allah is Al-Ghaffur ("The Oft-Forgiving") and that Allah is the original source of all forgiveness (ghufran).
Seeking forgiveness from Allah with repentance is a virtue. Allah accepts the repentance of those who do evil in ignorance and repent soon afterwards; to them will Allah turn in mercy:
“For Allah is full of knowledge and wisdom.” (4:17)
forgiveness is the ability to release the mind and the heart from all past hurts and failures, all sense of guilt and loss. The family members must humbly seek and grant forgiveness so that their relationships can survive.