Unvoiced, destructive and concealed from the outside world. Domestic Violence. First and foremost it is really important to understand the meaning of this term. What is Domestic Violence? Any type of violent behaviour inflicted on the victim. Physical, sexual, emotional, psychological abuse all fall under domestic violence. Victims of domestic violence can include victims regardless of their social background, cast, creed, religion or gender. The term used to be specifically referred to wife abuse but over the years, there are many people of all ages and gender who have been victimised. A Pakistani survey says, almost 70% to 90% women experience domestic abuse.
Domestic Violence, recently also known as a pandemic within a pandemic. With schools closed, work from home, unemployment has been a reality for more than a year now. Lockdown has left the victims trapped in the homes with their abusers. Most of us have been enjoying and spending time with our families during lockdown but there are millions of women, children and even men who have to suffer mentally and physically on daily basis. Coercive control is often insidious, hidden. One cannot easily tell by looking at a family who fakes smiles in front of the world. We can never tell what goes on behind the closed doors everyday unless we see the scars and bruises hidden under the piece of clothing.
There are wounds that appear on the body. There are wounds that do not appear on the body that hurt more than anything that bleeds. Emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse, if not worse. Just because a person does not put their hands on you doesn't mean they're not abusive. Abuse is control. Abuse is dominance. Abuse is disrespectful. No one is obliged to settle for emotional abuse thinking that it's okay just because it isn't physical. And if the wounds on people's hearts and bruises on their souls were translated on their skin, we wouldn't even recognise them. Emotional abuse side effects on a person includes self harm, PTSD, social withdrawal and loneliness, anxiety, eating disorders and all the terrible symptoms one can ever think of. It is the most common type of domestic abuse people go through mostly in toxic relationships, which no one is ready to talk about but this has severe long term impact on one's mental health. It can change a person drastically. Hence we repeatedly mention how it's so important to take care of our mental health.
In Pakistan, most of the domestic violence related cases are disregarded and opposition of the Domestic Violence bill 2021 of Pakistan speaks as a proof. The bill aims to protect women, children, the elderly and other vulnerable groups from domestic violence. It also seeks to offer relief and rehabilitation to all individuals who are victims of domestic violence and yet it was opposed because the higher authorities found "faults" in it. Once the abusers/criminals know they will not be severely punished, the crimes keep increasing. In a country with strict laws and punishments, no one dares to lay a hand on someone. Domestic abuse on women and children is also a grave violation of human rights. A research says that only 40% of women seek help after experiencing the violence and so we advocate for women's and girls' safety, rights and recovery.
To end these inhuman practices, we need to look through few of the preventions and important points.
1. Know the signs: It can happen to anyone. Rich, poor, literate, illiterate, white, black, young/old. Knowing the warning signs is the main key. Be wary of the red flags an abuser can exhibit in any form of relationship.
2. Lending an ear: When someone trusts you and talks to you about their suffering, listen to them without judgements. Let them speak their heart out. Believe what they're telling you and ask them it you can be of any help.
3. Don't stay quiet: Raise your voice. Don't settle for any abusive relationship no matter what consequences you might have to face. Fight for yourself, fight for your rights. Write it down, voice your thoughts.
4. Educating the youth and spreading awareness: It's highly important to create awareness among teens and children about the ongoing situation and help them understand it. Teach them the difference between right and wrong, educate them on the social issues of our country. Raise them right.
Together, we can break the silence and we need to make this world, especially our country a better place. A place which is safe for all genders, caste, colours, ages. A place which welcomes everyone for shelter & safety. A Domestic Violence survivor said and I quote, "My life matters so I chose to speak up."