We are inordinately disquiet about being rejected that we even compromise things that might be huge in benefitting our life. Numerous people have instilled a feeling that we all should make an effort to be polite, helping, and receiving. We are persuaded to believe that 'acceptance' is a part of our cultural activities that are centered on the consumption of goods and services.
It is the characteristic of the books and quotes we read that paint a positive attitude. We have developed it into a norm to tell white lies, agree with people even when we don’t agree with them, pretend to be okay with things even when we aren't, and this fosters deception. This deception has also flipped the meaning of ‘Freedom’. Freedom allows a chance for greater fortuity, but by definition itself, it is nothing. To attain a sense and a meaning in life is through the rejection of alternatives, by narrowing your freedom, by committing to the thing you believe in.
If we accept everything that comes our way if there is nothing more desirable than what we have received, then what purpose does our life serve? Doesn't it make our life empty and meaningless? To stand for something there should be a space for rejecting something because this is what adds value to our existence. A man’s purpose in life is not limited to appreciating what he has already got, but he also has insatiable desires and needs.
We see so many people around us who are tremendously familiar with rejection, but they refused to let it define them, they didn’t label themselves as incompetent rather they kept rejection in the proper perspective. The most recent and relatable example I can mention is of Netflix’s current hit ‘Squid Game’ which has taken over the world in no time right after it got released, Hwang Dong-hyuk, the director of this series, started working on this script ten years ago in 2008, but no one gave a nod of approval to the series, and after good 12 years the project was given a thumbs up and has made to the Netflix’s top trending in the US. Another example is of Elon Musk, the CEO and Chief Engineer at SpaceX and Product Architect of Tesla, he claimed that he rejected several high-paid jobs so that he could focus on the thriving tech industry. I can name numerous other successful personalities like Jack Ma Yun, Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, Madonna, and even our favorite J.K. Rowling the author of Harry Potter, who was rejected again and again but didn’t give up on what they believed in and this intrinsic motivation gave them the strange liberation through accepting rejection.
We try to make ourselves feel good by staying away from rejection, no matter if it's a big one or less significant when something seems a little off track, we try to protect our self-esteem, the psychologist and the author of Emotional First Aid, Guy Winch (Ph.D.) says: Even very mild rejection can sting which is true, from not being able to get into your dream university or not getting that interview call you were waiting for so eagerly it can crush you badly that the next time you see an opportunity, you will let it pass by because of the fear that set in from rejection, so instead of finding ways to put ourself out there and try, we shut ourself and get indulged in having short-termed pleasure.
Ph.D. Professor of neuroscience Mark R. Leary, who searches about human emotion and social motivations at the Interdisciplinary Behavioral Research Center at Duke University, explains that concerns with the rejection are perfectly normal, but being excessively worried about it – to the point that you do not do things that might benefit you – can compromise the quality of your life. It ends up steering us away from our path, blurring our vision towards people and things that should matter.
If we want something to matter, we also have to incarcerate ourselves to it. Have you ever noticed the happiness and satisfaction you get after you spend a decennium investing in a single job, or skill, or even a relationship? Unimaginable probably. But the real question is, would we have achieved any of it if we hadn't rejected the alternatives?
When we reject a thing, we choose a value and meaning for our life because to make something important we have to make something else unimportant. Every healthy and significant decision we make requires rejecting the alternative. To simply spell it out: we have to care about something to value it and to value that something we have to reject what is not that something.
The reason people avoid rejection is, they think as if they DESERVE to feel competent, virtuoso, and exceptional all the time. These kinds of people are self-absorbed and pleasure-driven they reject nothing in fear of being rejected by something themselves, which makes them stand for a valueless life they would rather sustain what they have got, to avoid the inevitable failures of their life.
As a matter of fact, rejection maintains our identity and values. We are all defined by the choices we make and the things we reject. Rejection is an essential life skill that everyone should master. One should not be stuck in a job that they don't like, or in a relationship that doesn't make them happy, or not being able to say what they want, yet people make these poor choices all the time in fear of inflicting an emotional wound on themselves and as well as on others.
Rejection makes our life better, our personal and professional life healthier, to achieve this life skill all we have to do is to become comfortable with saying and hearing 'no'.