This is a story about a girl. a humble, affectionate, and generous girl. Her heart was able to feel the pain that someone else soul was going through. she always tried to put herself one step ahead when the matter used to be about giving happiness and comfort to others and tried to stay delighted with every one. However, of course, she was also a human being just like all of us. along with numerous decent qualities, her personality was possessed by some awful habits too. particularly her "uncontrollable anger" which was her biggest enemy. when her good mood used to be switched off, all remained left in her mind were anger and frustration. after turning into this mood, every time the situation was happened to be like...she, in her room all alone with her loneliness. she used to close her room to avoid any bitter contact with anyone. she was very well aware of the fact that her anger will be going to put her personality somewhere she didn’t want to see herself to be. Eventually, she decided to confront her detrimental habits and tried her best not to get angry immediately and tried to remain quiet in every usual fight between her siblings and somewhere with her friends. this was not an easy task to accomplish effortlessly. in fact she was going to start a battle with herself. the hardest battle for anyone to commence on. a battle where on one hand there was her heart, with all the intense anger, forcing her to burst out on the opponent with harsh words while on the other hand, her brain was pushing her back to avoid any unwilling situation and advised her to remain silent. but again, this was not an easy thing for her. she was on the journey, the most difficult journey toward her renewed self. where on the way several obstacles in the form of her awful habits were waiting for her to pull her down. this was the moment she needed the support of her close ones the most. or at least someone who could understand her and encourage her efforts in improving herself but unfortunately the world we are living in today, it’s very difficult to find even one from hundreds of people who called themselves our close ones. time passed. her struggle continued but with time she got tired. tired of constantly fighting with herself all alone. time passed further...her mental health got distracted from its path. she started losing her confidence. her self-esteem was almost at the edge. she started feeling insanity in herself. Why??? she was on the way toward improving herself. then why she took the wrong turn? because no one was there to understand her.
This would be definitely your fault.
Why you are like this?
I am sure you would have started this fight.
why you are so mean?
you are a bad person,
As always also this time this would be your mistake,
you made us frustrated,
you are so arrogant,
you are a disrespectful person
No one likes you,
and many more...these were the comments she was consistently hearing. even after she started her battle. before she decided to improve herself she was only confronting with the bitter words of her loved ones but when she also started battling with herself she got involved in two fights. she was in fact on a battlefield from the first day where her opponent was not she herself but the truth was that there were her family, her friends, her close ones. from always. whenever she got angry or frustrated, no one was there who sat with her for a while, who could ask her about her problem, or could ensure her that "we understand you. just tell us what’s the problem"? who could tell her that "you are not a bad person. you have a beautiful heart then why are you behaving like this"? no one was there who pats on her back to show her some affection. no one was there who could hold her hand and make her feel that she is not alone. there is someone who loves her despite her all imperfections. there is someone to hear her. she didn’t find a person with whom she could share her feelings. she was all alone. during her struggle, she was all alone. she was hearing complaints all the time. everyone was blaming her without knowing the truth. she was constantly observing that everyone was getting sick of her. in all the situations everyone was telling her that she is wrong without trying to find out the reality. then she started to believe that everyone is right and she is wrong. she gave herself the tag of being the " wrong person". she began to find herself always wrong onward. despite knowing that there is none of her fault but still she started to believe. and then she went out towards a new journey... towards her lost self...
(NOORIN SHAFA)