I grew. Up with wanting to learn English as a language to become powerful and to be able to make friends with all girls and boys around me who were studying in private schools and talking in English very fluently.
Since I was 10 years old education was not the target for me instead the target was learning Enlish ..The language of power...The elite's language for the eceptance of me in the society as a normal person .
when I was 16 I came out of school to join high school with the ability to talk in English .my reports in other subjects were not excellent .I could have been a better student if I was not living under the pressure of intellectual social climbing.
My aim was to prove my self as a person who can speak English fluently and is outstanding amongst the masses who can not talk in English at all..
I was an outspoken person amongst the limited bunch of groups who could understand my ability and talent and when I proved it I was so proud .But ,when I was a fully grown adult I found out that I made the wrong choice .
I lost my time in aquiring something wrong instead of aquiring education.
I was grooming my self to become a bilingual person who is educated enough to be called an FA pass .
I did studied more and gathered degrees in later life again not to attain knowledge but to have my proper recognition as an educated person .
In practical life i realized that, there are three parallel journeys to cover
.one is real college education to have degrees on our names
The other is intellectual education to make us expressive and smart
And the third is grooming and training ,for our persanlities to learn manners and attequetes of life and society.
.what did I miss I asked my self ..I found out after pondering on my own life that I missed the process of real learning ....and I realized that I missed all three modes of learning ,becouse these three modes of learning have to go parrallal,
because they support each other ..no mode is complete with out the other Mode ...
And also I realized that real learning was only possible in my own mother tongue ..my mother tongue is the language of my dreams the language of my prayers to my lord.the language of my parents the language of my tears and complaints...the language of my every day life .
The real purpose of education was lost and the purpose was more to look like assumed ellites .
The teachers in our time were also going through the same confusion .They were bilingual. They were teaching us the subjects which needed great understanding..
But !! we would spent several hours trying to understand the purpose and the moral of lesson. Becouse we would first spend hours in finding meanings of foreign language in the dictionary.
It was like we were told to eat the banana Wich was locked in a locker .we use to first open the locker get tired and then eat the banana ..in the process we learned to open the locker but we never enjoyed the banana. Becouse we were already spent our energy's doing some thing difficult.
The fire was all over the country where every one was trying to become an English men ..
It was a disaster as I sea now .
These difficulties of understanding the forighn language compelled us to
Make short copied notes and prepare for our coming examination .
.The land was infested with this
Attitude of ignorance in all kind of schools ,government schools ,private schools and tat schools ..
No one wanted to learn but rather everybody wanted to become.
but who was going to tell me what I had to do and weather I am right or wrong .?
.well I found out my self after 40 long years of life ..since I was brought up in an environment of insecurities and guilty mind set .....!!!!! .I couldn't find it then.
The after effects of the system were multi dimensional . We were damaged in every way psychologicaly .
We started hating our language and hated who promoted it ...
We became by polar by hiding our own culture ..we became insecure and lacked self confidence...
Today I don't have any doubts that the education system in our schools and thier constitution have not moved a bit .the commen concerns of the parents today and then was that thier children should aquire education in English medium schools so that they can qualify for higher education in universities abroad.. thus whole tragic phenomena was unbreakable and is unbearable even now .
I happened to travel all over the world .where I saw children being educated in thier own mother tongue. Chinese in Chinese. Arabs in Arabic ... Russian's in Russian... french in french. Germans in German..Persians in Persian. almost all the world was focussing on educating thier children . In the true sense. ..
In Pakistan every one wanted thier children to become some thing ..they never felt the need for real education and we were never looked after as a nation to become civilization like Persians in Iran or people in china ..
These countries were struggling to learn and train to become good citizens and promote progress of the country and it's citizens ... Pakistanis never thought on these lines ..we were not being groomed and looked after .by our government.
.Children were accidental achievers .
Becouse of thier own will ..the system of education was definitely not helping the children to aquire education.and achieve character and
Focus on bieng good citizens..
I felt that we were thrown in the melting pot of history . To learn to servive. . indeed we survived but we never thrived and. we never progressed and we never learned ..
The damage was done , the nation was divided into several schools of thought... languages . Systems and beliefs.
All were dividing Pakistani people and scattering them into groups and parties ..it was continuesly happening until the manace of destruction was finally in shape.
Chaos and anarchy
What were we doing in Pakistan?
today when it's more easier for me to communicate to others in the language i sought all my life. But I know that my skill of English Is only the means of communication .and not the means of true understanding and learning ..
.and not the means of self preservation and research ..I covered my self with shining armour .
I still today when I am 61 years old.I can't understand or master my own mother tongue. And what ever I lacked in my self Because I was a victim of a foreign language imposed on me .....
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