Weddings in India are steeped
in tradition and culture. One of the traditions that have been passed down in
time is the system of dowry. The groom’s parents place a series of demands
before the bride’s parents to give dowry items such as household appliances,
color television, motor cycle or car, ornaments of pure gold of sizable
quantity, money, flat or plot of land, furniture, etc.
Flats
Heavy_Bridal_Jewellery
Cash
Cars
Catalog_Furniture
Home appliances
Clothes
All of the above items look good especially huge dowries reflecting the
so-called status of the girl’s family on the wedding day.
Unfortunately the long lasting significance of all of the above items in the
marital journey is almost like that of a mustard seed.
The society has been brainwashed that a fat dowry makes a big difference in the
bride’s future life. Parents should understand that it is not the dowry or a
grand wedding that makes a difference in marriage but it is the differences
between the marital partners that have a greater impact on the marriage.
Some of the following differences make or mar the marital journey:
In-Laws & Extended Family Involvement
Communication Patterns: Good communication is essential to a thriving marriage,
Balance Between Home & Work
Age differences
Cultural differences
Financial: Most couples argue over bills, debt, spending, and other financial
issues.
Religious Beliefs: Different beliefs about respect for human life and other
moral values are deeply rooted.
Children
Parenting
Sexual Intimacy and infidelity are common sources of stress and disharmony in a
marriage.
Physical separation or lack of quality time together serves to get people out of
sync with each other.
Household responsibilities
Personal Habits: Many people are married to someone who has one or more habits
they find undesirable.
Expectations: Unmet expectations are a major source of conflict in marriages.
Personality Problems
Commitment: inability to make a lasting commitment.
Differences in emotional needs
It is therefore more prudent to choose between huge dowry or huge differences in
marital partners and seek an amiable partnership rather than indulging in the
criminal dowry system that has devastated the Society paving way for many more
social evils.
Your Value Check:
Circle the values in column 1 that are most important to you. Consider that some
values may initially appeal to you but upon deeper reflection (column 2) you
realize that you don’t always hold them as a priority. Then rank them in
importance from 1-14. Discuss with your fiance'(e) or spouse.
Column-1 Column-2
1. Honesty Yes, but sometimes it’s OK to fudge.
2. Commitment Sure, but some commitments are just too hard to keep.
3. Fidelity I don’t plan on having an affair but who knows the future.
4. Loyalty It might be necessary to violate a loyalty if another’s safety is at
risk.
5. Devotion to parents Parents are important, but spouse comes first.
6. Generosity I’ll give, but only after I’ve taken care of myself.
7. Peacemaking Sometimes evil needs to be confronted, even with violence.
8. Living simply I work hard for my money. Why can’t I enjoy its rewards?
9. Kindness Some people are too kind and others take advantage of them.
10. Self-control I believe in being flexible and spontaneous, not being uptight.
11. Education Education is over-rated. I wouldn’t sacrifice current wants for
it.
12. Sacrifice Suffering and delayed gratifications has no use and are to be
avoided.
13. Friendship Friends are nice, but family and spouse are more important.
14. Children I value my freedom more.