There comes a time in most
parents' lives when they run up against a formidable wall called "The Teenager".
Opposed to anything that might be considered rules, many teens go through a
period of utter rebellion. Why?
The usual scenario goes something like this: One is born into a family who has
the best intentions for him and his future. However, he didn't come with an
Owner's Manual. So his parents usually just go by the example of how they were
raised. Yikes.
From an early age, he is carried around from place to place. He can't talk yet,
so he's never consulted on whether or not he wants to go to Grandma's house.
Everyone is much bigger than he is. And that's a little scary, since he is
completely dependent upon these giants! When he finally starts talking no one
really listens. He's "just a kid" after all.
Then he's forced to do a job that no one asked him if he wanted to do (school).
This "job" goes on for about 10 years when one day he wakes up and his body is
bigger. He can communicate. He has a pretty good idea of who he is. And HE
decides that he's going to do what HE wants to do for a change. It's as simple
as that. But what would have happened had he been given some choices before he
arrived at this point? What would have happened if his willingness had been
consulted or his opinion sought? A very different picture, to be sure.
Educator and Humanitarian, L. Ron Hubbard, has this to say about the rearing of
children: "How would you like to be pulled and hauled and ordered about and
restrained from doing whatever you wanted to do? You'd resent it. The only
reason a child 'doesn't' resent it is because he's small. You'd half murder
somebody who treated you, an adult, with the orders, contradiction and
disrespect given to the average child. The child doesn't strike back because he
isn't big enough. He gets your floor muddy, interrupts your nap, destroys the
peace of the home instead. If he had equality with you in the matter of rights,
he'd not ask this 'revenge.' This 'revenge' is standard child behavior."
How does one handle the child, then? The same way you would treat an adult; with
respect, consideration and admiration. It may be hard to break old habits, but
it can be done.
Try a few of these techniques at home if your child is being defiant:
1. Apologize. For a time when you treated your child with disrespect or didn't
consult their willingness to do something. Take back harsh words. Tell them you
were wrong. But you have to mean it. 2. Admire. Find something to admire about
your child. Openly do so. And let them know that you love them-no matter what.
3. Adventure. Do something fun together and let your child decide what it will
be (not a movie, please, but something with some interaction!).
In this modern-day world filled with electronic stimulation and less human
contact, children need more understanding from their parents. With a gentle and
caring attitude, even the most robust of rebels will once more become the loving
children they indeed are. It may take time. But parents are the most patient
people in the world. Give yourself some acknowledgement, too.
Yours for a better future,