In the tarbiyyah of children,
you should remember that children often learn from example. The proper conduct
and example of parents are crucial in the upbringing of children.
Parents who expect their children to be disciplined and to work hard must must
themselves be disciplined and work hard. Parents who expect their children to be
truthful must not be in the habit of telling liew.
Also, it is important to remember that the treatment given to children in the
early years of their life can have far-reaching effects on their mental and
emotional state later on in life.
In the tarbiyyah of children, you should try to remember that:
~ Children should be happy and cheerful. And have a zest for life and living.
They should be able to feel something of the carefree joy and excitement of
growing up, especially before they are mukallaf. They should not be battered and
terrorised.
~ They should be trained to grow up with the attitudes and habits, the adab or
etiquette of Islam:
"Be generous, kind and noble to your children and make their habits and manners
good and beautiful (Akrimuu awlaadakum was ahsinuu adabahum),"
said the noble Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam).
Among the virtues and habits they should develop are:
-> the habit of being honest and truthful;
-> the habit of being gentle and polite – for according to the noble Prophet (salAllahu
alayhi wasalam), "Gentleness adorns everything" – without being timid, afraid
and cowed down;
-> the habit of being helpful and considerate without being loutish in their
behaviour to others;
-> the habit of being clean and neat and tidy, of looking after their personal
hygiene and appearance.
Children need to develop the adab or the etiquette of Islam: when and how to
greet; how to speak, sit, eat, and how to perform natural functions like
personal toilet in the clean and efficient manner as taught by the beloved
Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam); to do everything in the manner, time and
place that is appropriate for it, for example: to be reverent in salat,
attentive in class, robust and full of zeal in play.
Children need to develop physical fitness and skills, to be strong and
courageous. The Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) recommended that children be
taught horse-riding, swimming and archery.
One Muslim ruler once suggested that his child be taught swimming before reading
or writing on the grounds that someone else may read and write for him but no
one can swim for him!
From the noble Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam)’s recommendations, we see that
children need to lead an active outdoor life and be proficient in some of the
martial arts. They should have the stamina for demanding play and demanding
work. This implies at least that they should be adequately fed.
Children need to develop a thirst for knowledge, beneficial knowledge – through
listening, observation, reading, interacting with others. It is recommended that
children be taught from an early age to recite and read the Qur’an and develop a
love for it. At an early age, they have the capacity to memorise it and it is
common for many children and youths to memorise the whole or large parts of the
Qur’an.
From the age of seven, the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) recommended that
children should get in the habit of performing salat and by the age of ten they
should be required to do so regularly.
Children need to develop skills and to be creative and inventive. They should be
trained from an early age to take on responsibilities, to organise and take
initiative rather than be timid and submissive. They should be able to spend
their time usefully and profitably.
They need to develop skills that would fit them for contemporary living and for
the particular society in which they live. This may involve anything – from the
skills of running an efficient and creative home to the skills that would enable
them to earn a living and help them in the process of tarbiyyah when their turn
comes. Give a person a fish and you feed just one person; teach a person to fish
and he can feed hundreds, says an apt Chinese proverb.
Above all, correct tarbiyyah should ensure that children develop a love for
Islam, a love for Allah and His Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) and that they
develop a feeling of pride in being Muslim and a willingness to strive for the
good of others.
They need to realise the benefits of Islam, the foundations on which it is based
and their need for Islam. They need to value Islam and live by Islamic values.