While staying together for a long time under one roof,
sometime gives you hard challenges of tolerance. It mostly happens, that
tolerance helps you to maintain a healthy relation with the person who are
meaningful for your life. However, We often see and experience in our way life
that usually keep on tolerating and holding grudges for a lengthy time harms
your relationship. We have seen many people who have tolerance habit OR
tolerance have been instilled in them, and they being taught by their adults to
KEEP QUIET, they usually end up with stronger negative feeling and greater
stress response.
“Countless studies have shown that holding grudges and keeping negative feelings
is bad for your mental health, increasing anxiety and frustration,” says Meyers.
I am not against of conventional upbringing style where females are tend to be
quiet and tolerate the hard demeanor of their life partner or neither I suppose
to encourage male and female yelling behavior towards each other.
The point which I want to highlight here is, how to make a healthy, happy
relationship with your partner while having many major or minor differences in
nature and ideologies.
Few days ago I was in the kitchen, cleaning the floor mess which was done by my
younger son meanwhile, I was instructing all my boys and including my husband,
not to enter the in kitchen but instead of children my husband enter in the
kitchen, and was about to slip over the floor, it almost blew my mind, I became
grumpy and asked him to go out in harsh way, he kept quiet and left the kitchen
then I spoke more, but he didn’t answer, after a while I felt sorry for being
rude but deep down I felt light, that was that feeling when you expel out your
anger and feel calm.
As it been always in our relation, to stay quiet when one of us is an angry mood
believe me! It works.... giving your partner space and stay quiet and let him or
her to speak and discharge their emotions..... it would definitely work, in any
case or situation in your life whenever you are confronting a financial issue,
problems in relationships understanding blah blah blah... ... According to Dr.
Gary Brown, a prominent couples' therapist in Los Angeles, “a growing number of
grudges and resentments can really weaken your relationship”.
As far as my married life experience concerned another best thing is to forgive
your spouse, when you got hurt. However, sometimes it is relatively easy to do,
and sometimes it is difficult. When you feel it’s getting tough to ignore,
communicate with your partner in a a friendly mood, while talking you have to
keep that in your mind, that gentle way of talking would affect more, despite of
using captivating words in a harsh tone.
Healthy communication played a significant role in the amid of misunderstanding
between couples or in any relationships, talk to your partner and explain your
concerns which bother you until it reaches to bitterness because Dr. Brown says,
“Once you’ve reached the point of hostility, it is extremely difficult to get
back unless you and your partner find a way to work it out,”
I read a quote somewhere, “Love Is A Two-Way Street” love is ever been described
as a two-way however, it’s so true in friendship, marriage or in any
relationships because two strange people come from two distinct backgrounds, and
living on the same place so, both partners must have to put their efforts to
smooth their relationship.
Being a married couple we been always watched by our children they are reluctant
to listen us but, proactively observed our behavior, our understanding, our way
of solving issues by mutual understanding and with healthy communication OR by
fighting and yelling behavior towards each other. We are human beings, we all
make mistakes, we can make things better by incorporating these tactics of:
effective communication.
giving space to each other.
allow your partner to expel their anger.
By forgiving or ignore your partner’s negligence.
Pay more attention in listening.
All these ways, helps you to kick out negativity and bring positivity in your
relationship which obviously impact on your children’s behavior.