Jahez
The absurdity of the dowry norm, commonly known as jahez, prevalent in our
society has long been debated. I did not realise the gravity of the issue until
recently when my father’s cousin had to sell off his shop — the sole source of
income for his family — to arrange the jahez for his daughter.
The girl is now happily married to a financially stable guy but her family back
home is finding it hard to survive.
Her mother, who started sewing clothes to earn a living, has developed an eye
illness that cannot be treated due to the treatment’s high costs. Her other
daughters are too young to earn on their own.
Bear in mind, the cost of the jahez excludes the actual cost of the wedding, the
clothes, the food and the arrangements. Can your parents, at their age, handle
such extravagant demands for one daughter let alone those who have five?
Were the bedroom set, the flat-screen TV, fridge, microwave, cutlery and the
thousand other things given in her jahez worth it, when all of those things were
already present in the groom’s house?
When guys are rishta-hunting for their perfect brides, all of them boast about
how rich they are and how they will provide the girls with a luxurious life.
Where, I wonder, does their ego go when they ask for a heap of things that
become a prerequisite for marriage to those girls?
Why do they demand, even if implicitly, for things that will remain packed and
unused in their homes for ages?
The parents of one of my friends outright refused to marry off their daughter
when the family of the guy she was engaged to demanded a lot of jahez. That
seems like the right approach, but unfortunately is not very practical in our
society.
Most of the parents would want their girls to get married as soon as they hit
the age of 20. Most of them are afraid of not finding another potential rishta
after sending one off.
“Will my daughter find someone as rich and decent as this guy?”
“If we refuse to give jahez, will the groom’s family consider us poor and
lowly?”
They stress and fears play into a ‘compromise’ on the jahez, albeit by taking
extreme steps.
At the end of the day, the jahez becomes a status symbol.
“Thank God, they were able to pull off a decent jahez for their daughter” was my
mother’s sigh-of-relief response after my cousin got married.
The groom’s family definitely didn’t take the maika for being ‘poor’ but
arranging for the jahez left them in tatters in real life.
A new Pakistani serial “Miratul Uroos” highlights this issue in an episode where
the groom asks for a new car as part of his jahez, and his father-in-law pleads
and says the family cannot afford one. Thus, the custom of jahez applies even
today and is very relevant in all strata of our society.
This has to end.
While the generation before us has kept this nonsensical norm alive, the
responsibility for its end lies with the generation which has reached the
‘marriageable age’. Boys should take pride in the money they earn and should
stop their parents from demanding jahez from girls – and the girls should also
take a firm stand against it.
If the families are not willing to talk about it, then the couple should clear
out the issue with each other before getting into a serious relationship.
Cancelling a marriage at the last minute because the one you want to marry
cannot produce enough material commitment can be extremely traumatizing.
The families that can afford an ‘up to par’ jahez should also refrain from the
practice, with exception to giving gifts to their daughters. The gifts, if very
expensive, should be kept a secret so that others, who cannot spend the same
amount of money for their daughters, do not feel obliged to indulge in practices
like taking loans which they end up trying desperately to pay off their entire
lives.
The practice of giving away jahez is outrageous and outdated. When a girl gets
married, the only items that need to go with her to the groom’s house should
only include her toothbrush, her clothes, her fashion accessories and maybe her
favorite pillow.
There should be proper rules and laws about a dowry. Proper steps should also be
taken to reduce this harmful disease in society. Young generations should talk
to their parents about this issue and do their best to reduce this disease.
The Prophet (PBUH) is reported to have said that the best nikah is one in which
the least amount has been spent. Those who can afford to give jahez should be
the ones to oppose it and explain to the family of the groom that jahez is not
an Islamic tradition.
In the case of the example of the Prophet's daughter, Fatima, we learn that Ali
came to the Prophet and expressed his wish to marry her. The Prophet asked him
if he possessed anything to offer as mehr. He replied that he had a horse and a
saddle. The Prophet advised him to keep the horse and to sell the saddle. So he
went and sold the saddle for 480 dirhams to Usman and put all the money in front
of the Prophet. The Prophet prayed for the well-being of Usman for paying a good
price and at the same time gifting the saddle back to Ali. The Prophet then sent
for some perfumes and gave the rest of the money for wedding preparations.
Allah Ki Kitab Kya Kehti Hai.
An-Nisaa (4) Ayat (Verse) No.: 4
وَآتُواْ النَّسَاء صَدُقَاتِهِنَّ نِحْلَةً فَإِن طِبْنَ لَكُمْ عَن شَيْءٍ مِّنْهُ
نَفْساً فَكُلُوهُ هَنِيئاً مَّرِيئاً
And Give Unto The Women (On Marriage) Their Dower (Mahr), ( Whom Ye Marry ) Free
Gift Of Their Marriage Portions ; But If They Of Their Own Accord Remit Unto You
A Part Thereof , Then Ye Are Welcome To Absorb It ( In Your Wealth ) .
Yahan Jahez K Bhooky Hain Hamen Jahez Bhi Diya Kar,,
Ya Kisi Muflis Ko Ay Malik Kabhi Beti Na Diya Kar..